Toojays Blog

Conflict Fear

We recently had an interesting conversation with a client regarding their new performance management process. 

Asked why they let their managers go through the process of recording performance evidence and end of year appraisal discussion, but not to allocate a rating, they replied "basically we don't trust them to be honest and accurate! They tend to avoid confrontation and as a result the ratings are often not correct"

Surprisingly this fear of addressing poor performance is something that we have come across in other organisations. 

So why does it occur? Human nature? Not understanding due process? Confused by discipline policy? 

Well it could be argued that all of the above come into play. However, this interesting article from Personnel today indicates that breaching code of practice is common place and could be a factor.

10 common reasons for breach of ACAS code

How do you...

How do you or your organisation avoid the Fear of Conflict? 

Knowing the policy and procedures is one thing, but its more about having the confidence to apply it. 

Interested to know how? 

Then these might be of help!  Appraisal Skills  or even Discipline & Grievance Procedure

Probably the worst thing a manager can do to their own credibility and reputation is to allow poor performance to continue unchecked.

Ed

Knee Jerk response

We recently ran a Conflict Management workshop and a debate on the use of email and text message replies came up. 

It's so easy these days to respond quickly to a conflict trigger...and as a result potentially regret it!

So what's the best way to avoid those knee jerk reaction emails? Well heres four tips we discussed as a group.

1. Sleep on it. Before you send that reactionary email sleep on it, or at the very least give yourself a couple of hours to reflect, take stock and calm down. This is often easy said than done! For so many of us the first instinct is to attack; to fight or at the least defend our position. Instead though we suggest you walk away. Remove yourself from the situation. It is amazing how your perspective changes when you have some time to think about it.

2. Share the frustration. If possible find someone you trust and respect and 'vent' your feelings and thoughts with them! This allows you to "sense check" your feelings and actions.

After talking to another you often can find your self realising that maybe your words were a little too toxic or you weren't being fair or realistic.

3. Verbalise it. The problem with email and text is the lack of tone. Tonality is  left to the interpretation of the person receiving the email or text. So ensure you give the right tone..call or better still meet with the person you are frustrated, hurt or angry with. 

Let's be honest meeting with someone when there's conflict, is difficult. For the majority of us we would probably prefer to avoid this. However there's no substitue for using the right tone of voice, body language and facial expressions to get your message across effectively...and to remove any mis-interpretation from the other party.

4. Let IT help you. If you have the ability and software...let IT help you out. Put a delay send set up on your email server so that even if you do decide to press the send button you've got the ability to re call the message before it reaches the intended party!

Be interested to hear any other thoughts and experiences!

The concept seems strange doesn't it? Enjoyable Conflict...how can conflict possibly be enjoyable?

Without a doubt, conflict is costly on a personal and organisational level. Poorly managed conflict can steal our time, money, health, and happiness. However, we can learn to have a nice conflict—the type of conflict that consistently leads to greater productivity, stronger relationships, and a leaves everyone involved feeling good about themselves...and enjoying the process!.

Utilising the SDI Relationship Theory..the five keys to having a nice conflict are presented in Have a Nice Conflict: A Story of Finding Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places. Below is a brief summary of each key to having a nice conflict:

Anticipate:

Anticipating conflict starts with knowing who you’re dealing with and then asking yourself how various people might view the same situation differently. When two or more people see things differently, there is the potential for conflict. If you can figure that out, you have a good shot at steering clear of it.

Prevent:

Preventing conflict is really all about the deliberate, appropriate use of behaviour in your relationships. A well-chosen behaviour on your part can prevent conflict with another person. But you need to prevent conflict in yourself sometimes too, and that might have more to do with choosing your perceptions than choosing your behaviours. Asking sincere and appropriate questions with the intent of preventing or managing conflict is almost never a bad idea.

Identify:

There are three basic approaches in conflict: rising to the challenge (assert), cautiously withdrawing (analyse), or wanting to keep the peace (accommodate). When you can identify these approaches in yourself or others, you are empowered to handle conflict situations more productively.

Manage:

Managing conflict has two components: managing yourself and managing the relationship. Managing conflict is about creating the conditions and empowering others to manage themselves out of the emotional state of conflict. It’s also about managing yourself out. Managing yourself in conflict can be as easy as taking some time to see things differently.

Resolve:

To create movement toward resolution, we need to show the other person a path back to feeling good about themselves. When they feel good about themselves, they are less likely to feel threatened and are free to move toward a compromise and resolution.

 For more information about the SDI model and the Conflict resolution solutions contact us....and help your team and organisation improve their performance.